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Counterfeit Love

from Counterfeit Heart by Chris Crabtree

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about

This is one of the first songs I wrote for this project. In my mind, it is the beginning of the thought-road that lead to the novel and the rest of the album. I wrote Counterfeit Love just after returning from Japan in March of 2011. I was in Tokyo on 3/11 when the largest earthquake ever recorded rocked the island, producing a tsunami that killed thousands and caused a devastating nuclear disaster that remains unresolved today.

The problem with time is that it is irrevocably locked to space and neither of them is a thing that can be shed from a reasonably sane person’s reality. That moment in time (and, therefore space) is always there. I can return to it in my mind at anytime and relive the whole thing. That’s the way events—frequently traumatic ones—in our lives are. Think of an intense experience you’ve had. Go there in your mind. It can be more real than the moment you’re actually in right now, right? “Earthquakes and hurricanes have nothing that compares to the weight and the gravity of your own despair.”

When I was in high school, we read Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God. The idea is that we hang dangling from a rope that God is holding over the fires of hell. He’s holding the rope in one hand and scissors in the other. I was thinking of this story in light of all the questions my friends had about how could God allow all those people to die? How could he allow this disaster? I’m not going to pretend to be able to even begin to answer those questions here. Do I believe in him? do I really think he even exists at all? I dealt with it in the lyric and in “Zen.” All I know is if it’s a counterfeit love, a counterfeit hope, a counterfeit faith I believe in, then go ahead and cut the rope. Just cut the lifeline of this dope.

lyrics

I'm tired of the way I'm living
Tired of trying
I know you expect me to say
I feel like I'm dying

But that's not the way it is
That's not the way I feel
I suppose you expect me to question
Whether any of this is real

If it's a counterfeit love
If it's a counterfeit hope
If it's a counterfeit faith I believe in
Then go ahead and cut the rope

It's a deep dark hole
I find myself down in
I know you expect me to say
I feel like I'm drownin'

This could all be over
The wolves are howling in the wings
And I suppose you're just gonna sit there waiting
Until the fat lady sings

Earthquakes and hurricanes got nothing to compare
to the weight and the gravity of your own despair
but what do I care?

credits

from Counterfeit Heart, released November 13, 2015
Salar Rajabnik: Drums, Bass, Electric Guitars
Chris Crabtree: Acoustic Guitar, Electric Guitar, Vocals

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Chris Crabtree Kansas City, Kansas

Chris Crabtree is a Kansas City singer-songwriter originally hailing from the sagebrush plains of Texas. He released his first rock album, Counterfeit Heart, in 2015. That record served as a soundtrack to his novel, Zen and the Art of Killing Your Self, also released at the same time. His music draws from the sounds of Ryan Adams, Daniel Lanois, Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen, U2, and Bob Dylan. ... more

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